I was just looking back at some of my older posts, which is interesting because I have never done that before.
I re-read the below, which was posted days before Kenley’s surgery.
When Moses was trying to lead the people out of Egypt, he was afraid that nobody would listen to him. He expressed those fears to the Lord saying, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” (Exodus 4:1).
My bible gives an-easy-to-understand-insight about each passage. When I went back to this verse, I saw where I had underlined the below comments:
Moses’ fear was caused by over anticipation. He was worried about how the people might respond to him. We often build up events in our minds and then panic over what might go wrong. God does not ask us to go where he has not provided the means for help. Go where he leads, trusting him to supply courage, confidence, and resources at the right moment.
How true did that end up being for our family, specifically me. When I read the part about God providing the means for help- my mind immediately recollects the image of all the brilliant doctors rushing to Kenley’s bedside as her heart rate beat from 100 to 248! God provided the
“means for help” at that very moment.
At a time when you feel so helpless watching your child’s body doing something so foreign that you feel like you are moving in slow motion to get help, and hearing the doctors use terms like “hairy procedure” and “you are free to stay but it might be better if you go somewhere else”- you have two choices. You can be frightened beyond being able to function, or you can pray and ask God to watch over your child and to get her through whatever it is that is happening at that very moment.
In that moment, making that choice, God is supplying us with courage. Without him at a time like that, one would just fall apart.
But he provided the courage (to Kenley), the confidence (to her surgeon, cardiologist, critical care physician, PCICU head nurse, attending nurse etc) and the resources (heart medicine, pain medicines, anti anxiety meds, PICU room, nurses, technology).
God doesn’t fail us- it can be easy to want doubt him ‘in the midst of it all’- and think he may have forgotten that prayer we sent up just last night- but he is always there, and always listening. And luckily for my baby girl, answering.